poe wannabe.

Thursday, October 9, 2008, 10/09/2008 12:55:00 AM

just what wrong did i do this time round.?
i thought the issue is done.
every single little thing i do,its a wrong for you guys.
just tell me,what what did i just do to offend you guys?

what the hell should i do to please you guys?
you want me to move out from my mom's crib and moved back to my dad's crib?
only than,that will keep everyone's bloody mouth shut.
and let me tell you guys.
its aint happening.
dream on.

i made a choice,and im sticking to my choice.
and i dont see the wrong of me sticking to this choice of mine.
and yes,all this while its always has been about my family.
my dad,my grandmother,my step mom.
everyone.

yes i know,i havent been a good cousin,a good son,a good grandchild,a good brother.
yes i admit myself.
but,havent been you guys noticing.
its not the old dinie,its the whole new dinie here.

if it was in the past,yes.
i admit,im such a juvenile in the family.
im the black sheep in the family.
i dont mind you guys criticizing me.
yes,with all the the education level i had compared with the rest of my family members.
yes,im a normal technical student,and im proud.
but have you guys ever fucking gave me a morale support to do well in my studies.
and when i clinched something in school,did any of you actually congratulated me?
well,thats beside the whole point.

i dont mind you people not congragulating me,but there was never a morale support you people gave.
and thats one,
about myself,hanging around late at nights.
not going home,spent most of my hours being not at home.
yes i admit.
its never worth doing that.
people look down on me and my friends.
well,at least there's people for me to interact with.

and you expect me to make my ass stuck at home with everyone minding their own fucking
business.well apart form my siblings.

dad,
you freaking asked me to stay at home and not to let my ass be seen outside the house.
but have you ever wonder,the treatment you gave your children.
you fucking easily pick up a fight when i was never at home,
and when i was at home,didnt it occur to you that why your children are minding
their business in their own rooms?

the thing is,you never ever bother to talk to us.
there was never a communication let alone a conversation!
you spent your fucking time at home with your
"precious" wife and my sweet little niece.
the only time,when we ever had a conversation is when
you wanted to scold me,or if i were ask you some extra cash.

do you think,i ever ever wanted to move out?
well,there was some times when you actually asked me to fucking go move out from you house.
and yes,it was only me you asked.
it was never my siblings tho' it was their fucking mistakes.
and yet,i had to take the shits.
i dont mind.

and yes,i moved out from your bloody house because i cant fucking stand it anymore.
there's a limit to everyone.
yes,i know there's a limit for you too.
but its just too much for me to be staying in a house when you,dad dont even have a fucking
piece of your mind.

you see dad,im a person who live with knowing what is right and what is wrong.
i admit,despite knowing what is right and wrong,i still do the wrongs.
but the thing is,its too much for me to live with you when you simply,
know the right thing.
and yet you dont follow your mind but to follow your "precious" wife mind.

i cant dad.i just cant.
i decided to move out when you actually made a curfew and started making a big fuss with me.
you knew i was working at that moment of time.
i was working in the night shift.
and that means,i will be barely seen at home.
and the only time that i got to enjoy was only on mondays.
you should know,i was working earning myself money and never hang out much as i often would do.

but instead of understanding my plight,u expected me to understand your plight.
and plus,you made a curfew for me.
just what is wrong with you.??
im working in the night,and you actually made curfew for me.?
isint that totally ubber rubbish.
and yeah, i moved out.
moved out not to my friends place.
but to my mom's place.

and thats's the whole new season of book appeared and was in stores for you people!
you people actually condemmed me for moving to my mom's house.
and you people actually talk bad,insulted my mom.
what on earth did she do to you guys?

and you grandmother.
the grandmother who always said she loved her grandchildren evenly.
but it turns out the other way round.
you may think i dint know who loved most,but u were wrong.
i know.
you talked and insulted my mom.
i knew about it.
but instead i acted dumb.

there's no reason where i should i say i didnt respect you.
i respected you.
but i stop respecting you ever since your words were harsh,too harsh.
and little did you know.
it hurts me alot.
you said this and that.
and you always said that whatever the adults did,the children shouldnt be at fault.
but u went the other way round.
and there were couple of times,you actually said i was anak derhaka.
just because,i stayed with my mom and stuffs.

just what wrong did i do until you have to call me anak derhaka again and again.

i just dont get it.

you people know,i stopped hanging around,and im not like my old self and im working.
i mean used to work.
for now im jobless.
hehs.

but instead of keeping your bloody mouth shut.
it continued.

few months passed.
and hari raya came.
yes,i heard my father cried on the eve of raya.
my dad was sad.
it wasnt a full attendence for the family for the 1st time.

and you people think,i wasnt fucking sad too?
it was my 1st time not celebrating raya with you people.
and not to actually go to grandmother's house like i used to and to asked for forgiveness.
i thought of going,but thinking back if i were to go there.
a whole new chapter were to open,and you people will start dissing me.

yes i know,im never good.
but im changing slowly.
but did you people see?
no!!
fuck you people.

and yeah,just so you know.
im not following my dad to pulau redang.
i changed my mind.
whats the use of me following.
tongues will start wagging,
and im sure you people will say.
oh,when my dad is financially stable.
only when i want to be apart of their family.

fucking no,just so you know.
i aint enjoying a luxurious life with mom.
i support myself.
and with mom and grandfather's help at times.

and seriously, i dont fucking understand why you people dissed my mom.
just because she did a mistake in the past?
oh well fucking lord,if you happened to know.
people are bound to make mistake.
and you people are forever making mistakes.

im too lazy to talk about you people.
no benefits.
it'll only gain my anger and emotions.

just so you know,
i still respect you people as my family.
and still love you people.

i just had enough with all this.
its now or never.
call,say,think whatever you people want.
and im left better off dying in you people eyes.

the important thing is,im content staying with my mom.
and im content with people i love and who love me.
that's the important thing.

and for that,i end my post here as im too lazy to talk about you people.=)

p.s:im not being rude,dont ever say im rude.
im a human being with a right to think what is best for me.
say whatever you want.
the important thing is,im content now,and i love every single of my family members.=)

fuck everything.
love everyone.